It can be overwhelming and somewhat fearful to think of having to re-evaluate your entire lifestyle. So don't. For right now, focus on what is absolutely essential to you and your family. What do you want to keep? What is important for your family to be able to continue doing? At the same time, think through your lifestyle and write down things that you would be willing to give up if you had to in order to maintain your priorities. Consider an example, Ann. Ann lost her husband Don 7 months ago. For the past several months she's been able to rely on friends and family for help in handling her finances. She hasn't been too concerned about keeping tabs on her money. She figures she's doing the best she can to take care of herself and her kids. So she's spent money that's come in from various benefits (like her husband's life insurance policy, Social Security survivor benefit, etc.) without really tracking it in order to pay their bills. But Ann's worried. She didn't handle the money before Don died and now she's not sure what she can afford.

She decides to prioritize what her family really needs and she lists keeping her house and family's health insurance. She also lists a few things she thinks they can do without, at least temporarily while they're in transition - they can sell one of their cars, scale back their cable TV plan, eat out less often, and get a less expensive cell phone plan.

Total up the money you need. Figure out how much your priorities cost. For Ann her monthly mortgage and health insurance premiums totals $2100.

Determine your income and assets. Consider all sources of possible income such as regular monthly income from a job, part-time or seasonal work, and interest investments. You'll also want to add up how much you have in assets such as pension benefits, Social Security survivor benefits, veteran's benefits, etc. from your spouse's estate. Obviously you don't want to spend all of that money, but knowing how much you have will help you determine how much to save and invest and how much, if any, you want to liquidate to be able to pay bills for your priorities.

Add up potential savings. Ann determines that she's able to make $8,500 by selling her second car and save approximately $200 monthly by giving up a few things.

Compare and choose. Compare how much money you need and how much money you have. It may take a little tinkering around with, but keep at it to figure out what your bottom line is.

Get help. Many times you may be able to get your creditors to work with you if you're having trouble meeting your financial obligations. For example, if you're afraid you won't be able to make your mortgage payments, contact your bank's mortgage loan department. Ask for an appointment and explain your situation. Often they'll do something called a "workout" for people who have experienced a medical or financial hardship. Performing a workout means that they may extend the life of your loan and /or lower your interest rate so that your monthly mortgage payment is lowered. It can never hurt to ask what, if anything, your creditors can do for you.

Look ahead. Grieving is a process. Life will not go back to what it used to be, but it also won't always be this painful. You may have to scale back now, but you will be able to rebuild over time.

Most people, especially people who have just suffered a significant loss, cite "being able to stay in my home" as one of their top financial priorities. You'll need to do a little math to figure out how your current monthly mortgage compares to your new, current income. If you're not sure what your monthly mortgage is (perhaps because up until now you haven't been the one to pay the bills), it's a good idea to contact the bank that holds your mortgage to find out. Ask for a mortgage loan officer. Explain that you're working on your finances and you need to find out from them:

• how much your monthly mortgage payment is;
• when the payment is due; and,
• how much you currently owe on your loan.

If you can't find payment book, ask if they can send you a new book so that you can keep current on your mortgage.

Once you know how much your monthly mortgage payment is, you'll need to determine how much income you have and how much your current monthly expenses come to.